Assurance in Trust

Something went awfully wrong last Sunday (April 8, 2013). That I mean was really awful. And that may be because of my stupidity and lack of trust to my other half, though. But it was really worth it. I saw something that made me think to kill myself in a way no one would ever imagine. I never really thought of it before until that incident that I didn't even thought would even happen. So much of an apology, so much of grievance, so much of the unworthiness, so much of these lack of feelings... But it did actually happened.

Never did I imagine, though I was thinking about it, not absentmindedly, but I was. Daydreaming, as you would call it, but then the instinct that I had was true and never was it wrong. I hardly couldn't bear the sadness I had felt the moment I saw that. It was actually him and his ex-girlfriend doing a nasty thing, read between the lines so that you can understand what I mean. Going back, yes, it's true. I approached him and him being the guy I didn't even imagine would be doing those things, not to me but to her. He said, assuring me actually, that it wasn't what I think and that it was so long ago. Yeah, true! It was back in 2010. But still, why would he keep those nasty things and not delete it, though.. Hmm, there am I again. Thinking over and over.. exaggerating the things that shouldn't be. But it's already there. There you go.

Anyway, since I couldn't handle it already, I talked to his sister about it. And truthfully, I was somehow relieved. I thought I would be actually hiding the tears all be myself, but I didn't. I didn't even waste a tear. I wasn't mad, got crazy, yes! But not mad. I was just...hurt. 

The best solution and the best advice his sister could ever give me that day, was to talk to him and tell him that I was really hurt. At first, I couldn't. I was really scared of what he'll answer. And what would he be hiding. But as I've told you, he assured me that it was nothing. Nothing, really. He just may be, told me, so I won't be hurt. I don't know really. Up to this very day I am writing this, still I can't let it just slip.. Trust is trust. Once it has been broken, never will it be mend.